This book contains serious triggers for rape and child abuse, both of which are referenced below the cut.
( I need to discuss this book with somebody (spoilers) )
I decided to make use of being up early to do a chore that I've been putting off for months. I pulled all of the books I've already read off the shelves in bedroom (two shopping bags filled to the top) and consolidated the other books as much as I could. I've dusted some of the shelves. I don't know that the dust quite made it to the dust bunny stage, but I at least had dust mice.
I want to clear enough space that I can have one shelf for library books. Having them in six different places isn't conducive to remembering to read them. I also want space for my thumb splints and some place level to land my laptop over night when I've been using it in there before bed.
I need to figure out what to do with the jigsaw puzzles. I like puzzles, but we don't really have a place for me to do them. Setting up a card table isn't really feasible for space reasons, not unless I'm going to finish the puzzle in a single afternoon while I'm home alone.
Scott scheduled today as a vacation day so that he could deal with two medical appointments. The way work schedules things, that means he has tonight off. Their book keeping considers third shift to be on the day that it starts rather than on the day it ends. This is partly so they can say that third shift works M-F instead of Tu-Sa. At any rate, his first appointment is at 11 and the second at either 2 or 3. Right now, the plan is for him to shower and then try to nap for an hour before the first appointment.
We need to wash Scott's work clothes today, and I'd like to change the sheets and run a load of laundry for us and maybe for Cordelia. I need to shower, too, and I'd like to nap if I can. Oh, and it's trash day. Great fun.
Tomorrow, my parents will be in town briefly because my step-father has an appointment about that growth in his eye. They suggested that we go to lunch. I'm pretty sure that they were hoping to see Cordelia, but they never did much to build a relationship with her, so she's got zero interest. She'd go along if she had nothing else going on, but she's not going to skip part of her volunteering in order to see them.
Scott gave me a ride to and from my appointment yesterday. I wouldn't have asked, but I was feeling really miserable due to cramping. He took the opportunity to pick up an interlibrary loan book that had come in for Cordelia.
My psychiatrist suggested that I try to find some sort of online, at home work to earn money to help while we're financially strapped. I'm looking at that as a huge can of worms. There's not a lot I'm able to do because of not being able to commit to regular hours or even to a set number in a week. Also, most of the online work options aren't things I'd be good at or aren't things that my anxiety would permit.
I'm also concerned about the possibility that earning money, even sporadically, might affect my disability status with either Social Security or my long term disability insurance through my former employer. The LTD insurer is always looking for any hint that I might not be disabled. I might be able to work for a while before I wrecked myself, and that might well be long enough to lose the LTD insurance payments and the medical insurance that goes along with the money.
My writing might be marketable, but I think that would wreck me, too, because there'd need to be a lot of it, and I'd need to figure out how to sell it and work at making sure that people saw it and... I'd stay awake all night worrying that I had or hadn't done something that would just wreck everything. Also, the sort of writing that might bring in money within any sort of helpful time frame would likely be some sort of ebook porn short stories. I can write porn. Sometimes. I can even write it quickly. Sometimes. I just... I write dark and complicated, and sometimes, I can't write at all for days or even weeks.
My psychiatrist also said that, if I'm still exhausted the next time I see her, we can talk about stimulants because insurers will cover them for people with sleep apnea who have been using a c-PAP for at least two months. I'm not entirely optimistic. Provigil (modafinil) didn't help me at all, and I suspect that caffeine has more of a psychological effect for me than a physiological one. Well, if I've recently had caffeine, sleeping is harder because I have to get up to pee every twenty minutes, but I'm not sure that counts.
It's frustrating that she's the only medical professional I'm dealing with who understands that the things that the other doctors are worried about all derive at least in part from fatigue/exhaustion and from anxiety and pain making sleep difficult. And each of those things makes all of the others worse.
I did some edits on my second Pod Together fic yesterday, all things that my partner requested. I'm hoping that the changed text will be easier to read. I still need to do one check on the pronunciation of the name of a minor character. I think I remember how it was pronounced, but I don't want to rely on that.
I also wrote about four hundred words on chapter 7 of Auguries of Innocence. I need to go back to the early part of the chapter to lay some groundwork for the things that just occurred to me as necessary. It's all about a character who hasn't been in any of the previous chapters, so I don't need to tweak anything earlier in the story. (This is an advantage of using point of view characters who don't think the way that most people do, Draco because he's unmoored in time, and Luna because she never did.)
Here are the clothes going bye-bye:
What I'm not even contemplating are my DVDs, they can wait for another day. Nor my CDs despite the fact that all I have to play them is an external CD drive for my laptop and a small boombox. Do people even say boombox anymore, oy, I've aged myself. I'm going to get rid of the plastic cases of the CDs I'm keeping and putting the CDs and booklets in slim sleeves. Thus creating room and possibly getting rid of my CD bookcases. Possibly. I could use them to display small tchotchkes.
I have a friend coming over tomorrow night so I really need to clean up my place. And one way is making room on the bookshelves for the piles of books on the coffee table. We need the coffee table for food and crafts.
For the time being my back room, the dining room/office, will store some of my things. Hopefully V won't want to go back there but just in case I'll clean the kitchen.
When I'm depressed these things are let go, especially the dishes. That's going to be quite the hurdle. I'll do half today and half tomorrow.
It'll feel better to have the place clean. Next up is the BEDROOM OF DOOM! There are days of laundry in there and I have a stuffed coin purse full of quarters. I can do this! WASH ALL THE CLOTHES! And maybe some of *them* can be donated.
There was a rug, a really pretty one, in the backroom but I'm getting rid of it because the cats kept bunching it up against the dining room table. Instead, at some future point, I'll get one of those oval rag rugs. Something colorful and cheerful.
Oh, and I need to do the bathroom and decide if I'm going to get rid of the rug in there. It's really hard to vacuum.
So, having friends visit is a good impetus to clean! And helps with my depression. I'm reading a book geared to those who are depressed or have physical ailments that make cleaning hard. It says to just tackle one thing at a time. If you're interested it's Unf•ck Your Habitat. So far it's okay. I like that it says just tackling one little thing like a bedside table when depressed is progress. It also emphasizes to not care what others think, you can get things done in your own time owing to whatever obstacle prevents you from doing a mega-cleaning.
PS...saw Despicable Me 3 and thought it was darling. Anything with the Minions in it is good.
I managed to use the c-pap all night, though.
I'm a little cranky that, although he stayed up past when it was done drying, he didn't bring up the laundry. I really don't want to face the stairs right now, but that is my only source of clean clothing unless I'm willing to wake Scott.
My month to date word count is 21752. That's the highest for any month so far this year, even if I write nothing else whatsoever. Yesterday, I added about 1300 words to my Captive Audience fic and then realized I may need to make a major alteration in the setting. I'm hoping not, though. Today's writing will mostly be tweaks to the second of my Pod Together stories to try to make the rhythm of certain passages work better for the person doing the podfic.
We were surprised when we went downtown to the library yesterday afternoon-- Apparently Art Fair now includes Sunday. For as long as I can remember, Sunday was tear down and clean up, but one of the employees at the library told me that Sunday's been part of actual Art Fair for a couple of years now.
We stopped by the science and nature center to do some Ingress, and we took back the portals that someone from the other side had captured. We had planned to go into the woods to reinforce the two portals there, but we decided against it because of the risk of ticks. The other portals are all accessible from places that should be much lower risk for ticks (close cropped grass or asphalt). We'll hope no one knocks out those two portals for a while. It can be done from the street because high level bursters have a pretty extensive reach. The portals just can't be captured from there because one has to be much closer in order to place resonators and mods.
I told Scott that we should hope for the other side coming by frequently. He's close to leveling up, and recapturing a portal is worth a fair number of points.
Characters: Dean, Sam
Word Count: 116
Disclaimer: I write for love only. Characters belong to Kripke/CW
A/N: written for the DEW challenge, Sam + news/newsflash/news reader, and the SPN100 prompt, cross.
“. . . third bizarre death at Hefner’s Playboy Mansion . . .”
Sam paused his research to absorb the latest details from CNN.
“Anything?” Dean asked.
“Yes, the victims all connect to a model who died in the seventies. Could be a spirit. But how would we get in there?”
“You could pass as a model.”
Sam sighed, mildly aggravated, but Dean needed to work harder.
“You’d look real sexy in a bikini.”
“With floppy ears, and the tail, you’d be smokin’!”
Sam’s annoyance mounted, seeing where this was going. “Don’t!” he warned.
“Then you’d be – ”
“Don’t say it.”
“You know you want me to.”
Dean grinned triumphantly. “A hot, cross bunny!”
I haven't heard from either of the people I'm working with for Pod Together. I'd mainly like to know if what I wrote works for them and if there are things I could do to make it work better.
I really ought to be asleep, but I can't seem to relax. The fact that Scott has to stay up to try to shift his sleep schedule isn't helping.
All of these are explicit.
( The fic descriptions and links )
My period finally started today after almost a month of off and on spotting. On the plus side, this makes having one on the 7th of August when I go in for the uterine ultrasound a lot less likely.
Scott's going to be working third shift this week and, probably, next. He originally thought that next week was his vacation, but I pointed out that that's actually another week further on. The only reason they didn't tell him to work third shift next week was that he told them he'd be on vacation. He emailed his boss to tell him of the error as soon as I told him (Scott didn't have access to his calendar right then). Third shift is down to four out of seven employees, and two of those left are supervisors who aren't supposed to run machines apart from covering for lunches and breaks. At other times, they move from machine to machine, making sure that everything's going okay and helping with whatever problem they judge most urgent.
Neither our nephew nor our niece were at the family gathering yesterday, so it was Cordelia and six adults. She retreated to the basement after dinner to read her book in isolation. I think she felt that four hours of being polite to adults was plenty.
I ended up sitting in the living room with Scott's father while Cordelia was in the basement and everyone else was out on the sun porch playing Ticket to Ride Europe. I didn't think it would be a good thing for us to sit in silence, so I initiated conversation, and we talked until the folks playing the game came back in. At that point, it was 9:00, and we were all ready to go home.